Monday, February 14, 2011



I'm not a big fan of Valentine's Day.  To me, it's just another commercial holiday that sets too-high, unrealistic Disney-esque expectations for romantic relationships.  Don't get me wrong -- I am not opposed to making an extra effort to show your loved ones (be they spouses, BFFs, girl/boyfriends, children, etc.) that they are important to you.  However, I don't think that requires a specific day loaded with expensive chocolates and sappy cards with words that we have not written ourselves and don't really mean.

Still, the Best Husband Ever and I did celebrate Valentine's Day -- yesterday.  Our amazing church hosted its first-ever Valentine's Day dinner.  For twelve dollars we got a killer meal for two, wonderful hangout time with fellow churchgoers, and some thought provoking group and couples-only discussion questions with time to discuss them.  It was really special, and so simple.  Not only did we (a couple who is notoriously shy) get to know some new folks, but we also got to talk about our marriage in a way that we never quite have.

Here are some of the questions the pastor passed around for us to discuss as a couple:
  • Which would you pick for a vacation: beach or cruise?
  • Which would you pick for a vacation: city or forest house?
  • What is your spouse's top pick for a vacation?
Interestingly, the Best Husband Ever and I didn't get the first two questions right for each other, but we picked the perfect vacation for the other as lead by the third question.  (If you're curious -- he'd like to go on an extreme vacation, and I'd like to go on a cross country equestrian vacation.)

At the dinner we also discussed what the vision for our marriage is, and how we influence each other.  The Best Husband Ever and I struggled with these questions, even though we've discussed them before and should have an answer by now.  What it comes down to is that, after everything (my eating disorder, his withdrawal, and subsequent rocky life changes) we just want to have a vision.  Any at all.  But we don't know where to go from here.  Help?

This post turned out quite differently than I had planned!  I was going to talk smack about Valentine's Day and then share some posts that I've loved reading lately.  Since I've already collected them, here they are!
 What is your vision for your marriage and/or your life?  And who are you loving on this day and every day?


  1. Lindsay and James CoFebruary 14, 2011 at 8:57 AM

    what a great post. I love reflecting on the vision of our marriage. Its something that we take for granted. A vision, and quest, a journey!LC

  2. Beth, The vision thing is one that Nathan and I struggled with (still do.) I mean most marriages progress into families, etc. I guess that is what I/we always envisioned. But instead we got ED and different interests and grew apart, etc. He wishes we could travel. I wish I could have kids. Yadda yadda. So what will bring us back together? God.In a specific sense, God as our vision means to stop obsessing about having some “greater goal” or “vision” or “theme.” To just let go of what we think the plan should be and to just live. This is what I'm trying to do with my own life and I think it will show as the healing “vision” if you will in my marriage. Our vision is that we don't know what God's vision is and we just keep showing love and kindness and taking small steps in everyday love. When I get stuck in the shoulds and could have beens and supposed to bes and norms of marriage is a bad place because I’m never satisfied or fulfilled. When I just let go of those, there's nothing left but to just let things happen.


"I am glad you are here with me."
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return of the King