I shouldn't be able to feel this
happening, the roots tendriling down from my soles, my toes, through
black loam and soil and an eon of earthy strata, drawing up moisture
that rehydrates my dry and desiccated heart-places.
I shouldn't be able to feel this
growing, this growing down and deep to stretch tall, but I do. I do,
and it terrifies me and thrills me. I'd grown so intimate with
living knocked down to the floor, my limbs sprawled disjointed and
the skin of my cheeks permanently impressed with the shadow of the
ground-dwelling gravel and lint that became my most intimate
companions. Time and tiredness peeled back my clutching fingers one
by one by one until my palms lay open and exhausted and released my
hope of renewal or healing or happiness in Him.
But I do. I feel it. I feel the queasy months of brambled, pricking doubt shed a harvest of faith and renewal. A harvest of life. Can you believe it?
And perhaps I am still down here on the ground,
weak and gravity-bound, but my roots are growing down deep
and I feel them stretching the earth aside and it is a force that
cannot be stopped because it was set into motion by the
One whose name is Unstoppable, and anyway I don't want it to end.
Because there is nothing like the
feeling of your own soul growing wide and sky-deep, an ocean of
fierce fire pushing out from between ribs swollen tight with
exhilarated gratitude. There is nothing like thinking that you are
the basest lost nothing, slidden away from all thought of
rescue, only to blink and feel that inexorable pulse emanating from
your Holy-breathed soul and know –
I am not dead or dying. My skin
creases and folds, the pulse of my organs dwindles away day by day, but the I AM is
burning brighter within me every single day, the glory that ages only to
perfection and no more, no matter the body's crumpling.
And yes, maybe I am quite crumpled
myself, maybe I am writing these words askew, cheekbone still hard
against the searing frozen ground. But my soul, my soul is flying, tumbling
through air and eternity, and I am boundless in Him.
I am boundless in Him.
You are, we are boundless in Him.
Don't you forget. Don't you forget
what we are, stardust and resurrected breath and blood running in the dead. Don't we
forget.
Does it look like, feel like we are
crushed to the floor, faces ground into grit and filth? Don't you
forget. Don't you forget. Our souls are expanding, toward Him, in
Him, and the whole wide universe can't hold us.
Oh my dear one...my heart is pounding for you and your harvest of renewal! I know that the darkness is overwhelming and terrifying, but I also know that is where He is the brightest! We sang a song in church on Wednesday..."Oh my soul, He will not delay...my Help is on the way, my Help is on the way" and I envisioned Him then as flying from the clouds on a lightening bolt, arms extended wide, face set in deliberate salvation...coming for me. Coming for YOU! He is so faithful, and you my dear are so so special!!! Big big hugs and love!!!
ReplyDeleteLove to you, Margo.
Delete<3 Thrilling.
ReplyDeleteRight?! Thank you for saying so. :)
DeleteWow. This is kind of epic. And beautiful. And perfect. There's more I could say but I still couldn't really tell you what I think. It's that good.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Vii!
DeleteI wept. Glory.
ReplyDeleteWhoa. That is an amazing thing to say. Whoa. Thank you... <3
DeletePowerful!
ReplyDelete