From the very beginning of this new life in which loss and grief are
major players, I’ve had difficulty with photographs. I love taking
pictures, especially self-portraits, and I take them almost
constantly. So when our daughter died abruptly and without known cause,
it hurt to return from the hospital without our daughter and see the
photographs from Before. I felt like they had betrayed me. Shouldn’t I
have known that something so horrible was about to happen? Shouldn’t
there have been a warning hidden within those photographs?
I combed through them, looking for some sort of sign of the horror
that had come upon us so suddenly. I had taken pictures up until the
day she died . . . but of course there were no warning signs in them
when I searched them from my new life in After. . . .
Today I am writing over at Still Standing Magazine!
Hi, I thought that your article was full of familiar pain but also heart warming. I too find that looking backwards brings me no answers even though I repeatedly look for them. Its so, so true, I found that I greived for myself as well as my child. I felt the person I was, optomistic, fun & happy was dead too. Perhaps now I should think of myself as a pheonix, brought back to life with the appearance of being the same. Best wishes.Sally X
ReplyDeleteOh I love te imagery of a Phoenix, Sally! That's so apt.
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