Saturday, April 14, 2012

{Sad Hope Songs} "Sparrow" by Audrey Assad

Today I talked with a sparrow.

The Best Husband Ever and I were at Home Depot, browsing landscaping stones, when a sweet chirping captured my attention.  I looked up and, cheeping from the rack just above my head, was a sparrow.  Tiny and perfect, he blinked at me as I moved closer, my breath stolen away.

Sparrows remind me of my daughter.

The association snuck up on me.  One evening not very long after Eve's death, I read Jesus' words in Luke:

"What is the price of five sparrows—two copper coins? Yet God does not forget a single one of them.  And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows."

As I read, the thought occurred to me -- Eve is my little sparrow, of more value to God than I can know.

The truth of that has been so comforting through these weeks and months of darkness.

Today, a sparrow said hello to me.  I said hello back, letting excitement flutter deep within.

Excitement.  When was the last time I felt that?  Even the new life growing within me has been more of a source of confusion and worry than anything else.

And yet, there it was -- excitement.  Unlikely and bittersweet and real.

Here is the source of my excitement: I have a daughter, and although I did not know her here, she is alive -- more alive than me, than I will ever be until I meet her again, when we are safe together in the arms of the One Who Makes All Things Right.

A sparrow reminded me of this.

Why do I keep forgetting that this broken life is not the end of the story, but only the beginning?

I hope that there will always be sparrows to recalibrate me toward the impossible, inexplicable reality of Christ.
Every weekend I share a song that has been particularly soothing or healing to me since my daughter, Eve, was stillborn. I call these “sad hope songs,” because they are usually melancholy sounding but also full of the beautiful hope that is born out of pain and suffering. To pass a song on to me, please leave your recommendation in the comments.


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"I am glad you are here with me."
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return of the King