Sunday, April 8, 2012


Easter, as far as I understand it, is the ultimate story of love and redemption, of being known and being seen by the only One worth being known and seen by.

I did not expect Easter to still hold these things for me this year.  But Holy Week has played out in unexpected ways, and I feel that the parts of me that bitterness withered and broke have been reclaimed by God for life.

I don't know how He does it, only that I am grateful that He does -- and that He wants to.  Is my Easter story a microcosm of the larger story of Gethsemane and Golgotha and the empty tomb and the Christ proven as Messiah, bringing life and life and life?  That kind of question feels too large for me.  All I know is that this is my Easter story:

. . . spending Holy Week dreading another holiday that rubs my nose in the fact that my daughter is dead

. . . feeling dead

. . . feeling forgotten by God

. . . Easter morning dawning with sun and loveliness

. . . feeling surprised by wanting to dress up for church, and feeling the energy to follow that desire

. . . a favorite dress left unworn too long making me feel lovelier than I have in months

. . . the anonymous, wonderful, miraculous gift left waiting near the place where I usually sit at church -- a gigantic stuffed teddy bear holding a "happy Easter" card for Baby #2, remembering Eve and honoring this new, tenuous life

. . . loving the small and large ways that God loves me through my brothers and sisters who live for Him and die to themselves

. . . remembering that God does not forget, ever

. . . the reminder that my friends have not forgotten

. . . feeling a willingness to hope again be reborn in me

. . . numbness and apathy breaking for the first time in weeks and weeks

. . . feeling convicted and challenged to continue giving love and life a chance, to resist hiding myself away, alone and lonely, in an empty attempt to save myself from further pain and disappointment

. . . Jesus breathing resurrection's life into me again, again, and a thousand times again . . .

Our rainbow baby got his first present today - a humongous bear! Thank you SO much, whoever is our special gifter! 

What is your Easter story?

1 comment:

  1. Awe... what a sweet gift for you on this Easter! With Christ, there is hope in all things! :)


"I am glad you are here with me."
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return of the King