Sunday, March 11, 2012

{Sad Hope Songs} "Fall Apart" by Josh Wilson

I love this song. It makes me cry every time I hear it, especially this part:

"I don't know how long this will last.
I'm praying for the pain to pass.
But maybe this is the best thing that has ever happened to me . . ."

I cry, not because I am sad, although I am.

Not because I hurt, although I do.

But because it is true. And the truth of it brings me to my knees before the God who brings so much good out of the dark.

Maybe, just maybe, my daughter's death was the best thing that has ever happened to me, because it has changed me so much.  Changed me for the better.

Is her death something that I wanted to happen?  Of course not.  I would have done just about anything to save her, to feel her breathe, to watch her grow.  But her life and death were out of my hands -- and in the hands of the One who has the power and the right to give life and take it away.  And so, because Eve's death came was allowed by God, I have to believe that He allowed it for a reason.

I understand now why suffering is referred to in the Bible as a refining process -- a process that is good.  That makes us better.  Because my suffering has made me better.

And because of that, because I have seen so many blessings in the valley of the shadow of death, I must say thank you.
"Pure gold put in the fire comes out of it proved pure; genuine faith put through this suffering comes out proved genuine. When Jesus wraps this all up, it's your faith, not your gold, that God will have on display as evidence of his victory."

Every weekend I share a song that has been particularly soothing or healing to me since my daughter, Eve, was stillborn. I call these “sad hope songs,” because they are usually melancholy sounding but also full of the beautiful hope that is born out of pain and suffering. To pass a song on to me, please leave your recommendation in the comments.


  1. This is beautiful... absolutely beautiful.
    (I know Matthew has made me a better person.)
    Eve's precious life has purpose... and that is beautiful.
    Love & hugs, Lori

  2. I like this song, the message that have in that song was really good to hear, I will search this in yourtube and I will download it to add in my play list..
    VZ 58

  3. Listing with tears rolling down my cheeks. Thank you for sharing.

  4. I thought of you a LOT during last week's sermon from John 14...about Jesus being the vine and how we need to REMAIN in him. That word "remain" really has been exemplified by you in your loss. It hurt when he talked about when we remain in Jesus, God, the Father prunes us so that we will bear fruit for His glory and our health. I'm so sorry for all this pain, Beth, but I see how God is bringing fruit from your life and from your pain. I'm trying more and more to pray "Whatever it takes for me to know you more, Jesus". It's terrifying to pray that.

  5. That is SUCH a terrifying prayer. But I'm amazed that you're praying it. I certainly couldn't have even thought about doing that before Eve died. Now, I figure that I might as well, because not praying it didn't save us from anything.


"I am glad you are here with me."
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return of the King