Monday, January 30, 2012

Still Grateful

In October, I started keeping a gratitude journal.  Inspired by Ann Voskamp, I wanted to deepen my relationship with God via thanksgiving.  I counted two hundred eighty nine small and large gifts -- and then my daughter died, without warning, without cause, before she was born.

After giving birth and returning from the hospital with empty arms, I began to continue recording my thanks.  At first, I was afraid to.  How could I be thankful for anything in the wake of such tragedy, in the caverns of such pain?  And yet, there were gifts.

Today, I have nine hundred eighty two gifts recorded in my gratitude journal.  Of those nearly one thousand gifts, six hundred ninety three were recorded after my daughter's death.

I am amazed, and I am grateful.

Here are some of the gifts I am finding as I battle my way through the excruciating passing of the days (sixty four days, to be exact, since she was born dead).

#772... spaghetti for dinner
#773... feeling energized and hopeful at some parts of the day
#774... returning to A Grace Disguised after too long
#775... snuggling with the Best Husband Ever on the couch
#776... watching the Buffy musical with the Best Husband Ever
#777... . . . and hearing him sing along
#778... receiving a letter from God (!!!)
#779... realizing just how much better (yes, better) my life is now from a year ago
#780... clean sheets
#781... making the bed with my husband

On Mondays, I catch you up on the beautiful gifts -- both large and small, hard and comfortable -- that God has been throwing my way. Read more about my gratitude adventure here, and start your own One Thousand Gifts adventure by clicking on the banner below.

I am also linking up with Small Bird Studios as we celebrate hope even through our grief.

What are you feeling grateful for today?


  1. Amazing! I love Ann Voskamp and this is such a beautiful outlook to have. I started a gratitude journal when I was pregnant with Lily and I remember the first time writing in it I was in the waiting room at an appointment for her. I only wrote 2 pages. I need to start again. Thank you for inspiring me <3

  2. *hugs* Hannah. Ann is such an inspiration. Glad that you've read her book, too!

  3. I read Ann's book about a month ago. I have been keeping a journal as well. Thankful for your words today!

  4. Still finding the gifts, in the wake of such a tragedy. That is really seeing. REALLY seeing.

  5. Oh I love love love this Beth. It is amazing that you found so many things to be thankful for after and more, even losing Eve. Truly amazing, and inspiring. Thank you for sharing this, and bits of your list. I think I need to do this.


  6. Thanks, Fran. I totally recommend One Thousand Gifts. It's one of the most -- if not THE most -- profound books I've ever read outside of the Bible. If you do read it, I'd love to chat about your experience of it.

  7. Okay! Totally ordering it this weekend!!! I've heard SO many good things about this book :] soooo excited to read it!!XO

  8. Yay that's awesome!


"I am glad you are here with me."
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return of the King