An Equestrian Conundrum

Image source.

I have a really great idea for a blog post.  I'm excited to write it.  But I haven't (and this post not it) because I've been busy worrying about something totally random and unrelated and possibly life changing.


It started last week when I got licked by a horse.  (Yes, licked.)  The Best Husband Ever and I were out with two of our pups in a dog-friendly public area.  At the end of our walk, the horses that live in the field across the street were close to the fence.  The Best Husband Ever urged me to go over and say hi, so despite my worries that I would get in trouble, I did.  And not only did I get licked by one of the two horses, but I also got nuzzled, nibbled, and whuffled (yes, that's a word -- the Best Husband Ever had to look it up before believing me).


And I also got re-bitten by the horsey bug that infects just about every female that I have ever known.  Unlike most other women, however, my horse crazy phase never really passed.  I just couldn't do much with it -- I took lessons as a child, then again in college, and most recently mucked stalls as part of my work at a sanctuary for blind and disabled animals. 


For some reason I have never felt that a horse career was possible.  My parents definitely discouraged it (although they discouraged writing, too, so I don't know why I didn't listen on the writing but did on the horses).  Also, it seems pretty frivolous.  Probably because the reality is that even casual interest in horseback riding is a pricey hobby.  


But after feeling a horse's warm breath in my ear for the first time in years, I realized how much I've been missing all things equine.  And so like any good blogger I set to Googling.


The result of my search is that I was offered a position as a working student at a lovely dressage barn in New England.  If I were to take this position, for the next year I would not only be cleaning stalls and feeding horses, but I would be receiving daily riding lessons and learning how to train and exercise horses.  It's really stinking cool, and a much cheaper alternative to going back to school.  A dream come true . . . right?  


It is, but there's a catch.  In order to take advantage of this opportunity, I'd have to move to New England -- without the Best Husband Ever.  I'd have to leave him, our dogs, our friends, and my home to venture out into uncharted territory where I won't even be receiving a daily paycheck as a small consolation if things should not turn out to be what I was hoping.  

I'm scared.  I'm scared of taking the job and leaving everything I know for a year, and I'm afraid of not taking the job and regretting it.  On top of all that I'm also scared of taking the job and then feeling horrible about how heavy and out of shape I am (although taking the job would be a surefire way to get back into shape).  It's that whole not waiting to be thin thing coming back up again.


If you're wondering why I'm blogging about this -- well, so am I.  But I guess I wanted to share that decisions are hard.  They are difficult, and sometimes can't be undone.  I don't think that the intricacies of decision-making get talked about enough, especially in eating disorder circles where health is all about choices. 

Also, I want some help!  (And don't worry -- I will definitely not base my decision off of what I read in the comments.  My decision is mostly made, and now I'm just curious.)  What would you do in this situation?

Image source.