Thursday, June 17, 2010

The Life & Times of Two Mismatched Rings

The other day, as I was hiking with our three dogs, I got to thinking about my engagement and wedding rings. The ring that the Best Husband Ever presented me with when he proposed was gorgeous, but just a tad big. If I remember correctly, we had it re-sized. When it came time to pick out a wedding band, though, I had lost more weight (slowly spiraling into eating disorder land, though it went unrecognized until much later), so the ring engagement ring was loose again. I decided to go with a wedding band one size smaller than the engagement ring, and then have the latter re-sized again. Except I never did.

Why? Because I expected to gain weight after getting married (only I didn't, but pushed the sane limits on exercise and food intake instead). I thought I'd gain weight because I would be cooking for not only myself, but also for a carnivorous new hubby and, pre-marriage, I ate predominantly non-fat and very low calorie foods. Being realistic, I knew that the Best Husband Ever would not be happy to eat a salad for his daily dinner, so I learned to cook chicken, soups, chili, burritos, and more.

But the eating disorder side of me did not like that one bit. So, in an effort to compensate for the fat and extra calories I thought I was consuming (which I now recognize as healthy, much-needed fat and calories), I upped the exercise. I lost even more weight, became skeletal-looking, and could not maintain any sort of body heat in the face of Montana winters. Needless to say, I didn't gain the weight I expected to put on after our wedding, but I also didn't get the rings resized, as they were both more loose than ever. Even when I reached my lowest weight of 112 pounds (the lowest healthy weight recommended for my height is 120, I believe), I waited in fear for what I thought was an inevitable weight gain

And I did gain weight. I needed to, or I probably would have died still clutching onto my exercise and weight loss with the manic strength born of mental illness. Now, due to poor food choices and disordered, emotional eating, I've put on more weight than my body needs (which I am dealing with sanely and rationally, I'm pleased to say!). Interestingly, however, my rings still fit. My weight has fluctuated close to 60 pounds since my engagement, and the rings still fit.

When I return to a healthier BMI, the engagement ring will continue to be a little loose, and both rings will be slightly different in size from one another. So the question arises -- what am I waiting for? Why not get the rings re-sized so that at the very least they are a matching set at last? Why not, indeed.

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